As the daughter of a raging bully who has subsequently connected with healthier and healthier men, I posit that a positive definition of the Masculine Presence is required for our future health and well-being.

According to Wikipedia the “Patriarchy is a social system in which men hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property. Some patriarchal societies are also patrilineal, meaning that property and title are inherited by the male lineage.”

During an anthropology class at Stony Brook back in the late 1970s, feminists articulated about oppressive forces that seeded sexism and disregard for valuing their talents, gifts and abilities as they sought to play a bigger game than bedwarmer, home maker, wife and mom. Through the distribution of property and land to only men, both men and women have suffered when partners were seen as property.

The problem is that now property can be held by sovereign women, it is no longer the sole domain of the Masculine Presence.
 
Sharing power is a tough road for some, while reassuring to others. It is all a matter of perspective.

The Patriarchy over the ages deemed itself and remained in control of everything that was created and belonged to the women in their lives. Thus, it is understandable how many came to equate the oppressors with the self-serving system they created to indicate that the Feminine Presence was corrupted in purity and intent.
 
Germaine Greer, Betty Freidan and Gloria Steinem, feminists, agreed that something was amiss and identified the patriarchal system as one reason for their oppression, and so equated Patriarchy with Authoritarian. Although this is true, I also suggest that there is a huge difference between Patriarchal potential and the Authoritarian Bullies, the one expression of Masculine Presence that tends to intimidate rather than cultivate strategic loving outcomes. There is an important distinction to be made between Authoritarian Consciousness and the Masculine Presence. They are two distinct yet overlapping aspects.

At Vast, we define Authoritarian consciousness as that which makes decisions on my behalf without my prior consent. Within an authoritarian paradigm I never reach adulthood, as it is assumed that others know what is in my best interest, better than I do. We posit that Patriarchal Consciousness can and does often choose to be kindhearted, generous and quite gentle with those within their care. It is a choice based on a code of conduct which I will further explain in a moment.

How does this match up to real life experience?

My Dad, AES was an enigma. He was a bully and so I had the opportunity to learn about bullies up close and that tough men are far more sensitive than they will ever let be seen.
 

He was a charismatic, self-absorbed person raised on privilege only to fall from grace when entering his 20s. He was mysterious, puzzling, brooding and difficult to understand. The unresolved rage he felt and often expressed rippled throughout my world. His sense of despair was energetically depleting. He was the classic victim.

My Dad was also Prince Charming when not deeply offended about some drama of his own making. He taught me how to fly and took me and the family on lovely adventures. No matter how often we had a good day, his insecurity zapped our family vitality, confidence and courage. Insecurity and fear fueled his desire to control us as an artificial form of reclaiming his lost sense of control and power. I have always wondered what hardships he had to weather to become so uncomfortable with kindness or gentle sweetness from those he most cared about.

Renown psychologist Alice Miller speaks to the impact early difficulties have on the later choices of those hurt or harmed.
 
She candidly states, “In order not to die, all mistreated children must totally repress the mistreatment, deprivation, and bewilderment they have undergone because otherwise the child's organism wouldn't be able to cope with the magnitude of the pain suffered. Only as adults do they have other possibilities for dealing with their feelings. If they don't make use of these possibilities, then what was once the life-saving function of repression can be transformed into a dangerous destructive, and self-destructive force.”

The Original Masculine presence in my life did not like himself very much and so he expressed it as a rageaholic who pushed away the people that cared about him. His sense of self-loathing was predicated on his own traumatic beginnings. I have learned over the years my experience was shared by others.
 
But there were many gifts I accrued from his bullying ways. I learned to advocate for myself and not give in to negative people.   Being confronted with an annoyed Patriarchal presence forced me to seek and see his finer qualities shine through. Throughout my life I have sought and been connected to men who are honorable, with the power they currently wield, refusing to control others, as they intentionally cultivate their tribe to achieve its fullest potential. May Dad’s soul be at peace as I forgive him after some very concentrated effort.

 What have I learned after studying the full spectrum of Masculine Presence? 
 
The dads, brothers, granddads, boyfriends, and partners I have subsequently known were mostly dear, kind, sensitive, emotionally inept cuddle bunnies who were more afraid of looking foolish than hurting someone else.
 

 Vulnerable men are always in their fullest presence, for in that place they bring an open heart and enlightened approach to achieving their external goals. The myth of the Masculine Presence being represented by the authoritarian bully is an untrue story. It is the amplification of a small aspect of the masculinity I witness shared throughout my community. There are so many delightful gents who choose to be great role models and live their life in an honorable way. As I say, true power need not prove of abuse itself or another.
 
When the Masculine Presence adopts a code of behavior that defends the depleted, listens to the wisdom of the meek, shares the bounty of resource rich opportunities with their family and community, we have a different experience of the Masculine Presence. 
 
This approach is clearly exampled by Arthurian legend. King Arthur’s code of chivalry trained its pod to engage in cooperative and emotionally intelligent outcomes. Violence was not the preferred solution. The qualities expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak, engendered trust and collaboration though a predictable compassionate code of behavior. Greater things were accomplished.

  Gentleman will rule in a world fueled by disruption, dominance and abuse of power as indomitable kindness, honor and consideration display the true peacock. When Cervantes wrote, Don Quixote in 1612 he crafted a modern man who traveled on a divine mission to redress all manner of wrongdoings. Honor held a sacred place in his paradigm.

The kind and loving Masculine Presence is all around us and I want to celebrate that for Father’s Day. Wonderful Dads who are patient and kind and gentle and sweet. Dads who understand they hold a structured role in the world as way-showers of honor and kindhearted care-laced wisdom. Without their gentle and steady hand, we would be less loved and encouraged. May each of you connect with the finest and most loving aspects of the Masculine Presence at work and at home, in community within and without.

As Albert Einstein stated, “Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.”

Try not to confuse the bullies with the kindhearted, confident, imaginative men, women and LBGTQ neighbors who are a solid and treasured part of our world. Let us strive to bring out their best in all forms of presence. Happy Father’s Day to the trustworthy ones. For that we thank you! May your sensitive hearts fully unfold.

*****

If you are ready to claim your full power and leadership genius, contact us to discuss a unique approach to your heightened leadership mastery and integration.

Subscribe to our newsletter and become part of our enlightened community of forward thinkers, dedicated to awakening the genius within.

Follow us on social media.The body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.