Amid the tenor of today’s discussion about compassionate relationships between people of all types, the hurt, confusion and anger is still evolving as we all try to make sense of these emotions. While the fountain of thoughts, feelings and outrage are one healthy part of the conversation, I would like to add a simple idea to address this complexity of human relationships.

As a life coach and person who is also personally healing, I Have come to discover that the most capable and contributing members of society are operating like teenagers when it comes to addressing romance, sex, intimacy and connecting with someone different from themselves. Our development is arrested due to a lack of cultural examples of vital, healthy, adult loving relationships of all expressions. We don't lack goodness to construct those precious healthy relationships, what we lack is imagination.

Where are the juicy, happy, diverse examples of loving relationships for our communal appreciation? We teach our kids that obsession with sex and abstinence, or ignorance about their bodies is preferable to treating them with the respect deserved as whole developing, erotic and sensitive creature. Most of the images abound are far from the reality of feeling awkward in learning to gap the divide between human beings. Relating to one another without fear and judgement is viewed as a quaint bit of optimism. The negative verbal and subliminal, media messages we absorb about ourselves make a huge impact without anyone noticing or monitoring.And now we are beginning to discover how addicted we are to that rectangle piece of tech we use to filter and navigate our entire worldview.

A Pew research conducted in 2015 found that 24% of teenagers were “almost constantly” online.Tech giants such as Bill and Melinda Gates have limited their children’s use of this technology to secure their ability to relate to other humans and direct their own thinking. Some of my old friendships have eroded since the desire to talk and connect has been replaced by photos of an idyllic life with likes on a social media page. When I work in my office and answer my business phone, I Often hear great surprise that a real human is available to talk. If all this is occurring as we relate to our technology instead of one another what price is our love life paying?

It confounds me that our society refers to loving,consensual behaviors as obscene when violence and gory images are deemed decent. This sends mixed, messages about what constitutes healthy intimacy. We are offered virtual ideals and three second sound bites to craft our core concepts about the most challenging aspect of life: relating to other people. Let us tell ourselves the truth; our sweetheart skills need a bit of work.

So where do you start?
 

• First, let it be OK that intimacy may be one of your biggest challenges.
  
• Welcome to Being Human.
  

Stellar Sweetheart Skills begin with:

• A desire to connect in a more meaningful way
• Owning your wholeness and who you are today
• Owning what is most important to you
• Implementing a skill set to negotiate honest,vibrant and mutually respectful relationships.

If mastering these skills intrigues you, VAST can help with our programs.

1) Engage with The VAST Healthy Relationship Workbook , a self-guided workbook to align your values with constructing a higher quality of life or register for one of our online learning sessions to identify and build relationships that solidify your well-being.

2) Refresh your mind and sense of optimism to create romance and joy in all areas of your life via the road map provided in the book ”Kindling  the Flame  : The Art and Science of Cognitive Replenishment”  .

Relationships can be terrific or tough. As a lifelong learner it encourages me to know that the study and practice of intimacy is the best gift I can offer both my Sweetheart as well as my own sweet heart.

Get started on creating your best and healthiest relationships. It is courageous to be rusty but practicing.