A few years ago a mentee arrived with a beautiful question and asked, “How does one speak Truth to Power?”

What I suspect they wanted to understand on a deeper level was, how does one speak truth to abuse of power without getting removed from the game?

Speaking truth to power is easy. Speaking truth to bullies and intimidators who employ fear as a cheap parlor trick presents a more delicate situation. One I have had the distinct pleasure of witnessing and shifting on many a C-Suite occasion.

Learning to distinguish between power and abuse of power is best handled at the individual level based on transcending the fear-based strategies you were taught as a kid. Perhaps they include, hiding, being quiet, not taking up much space or covering your behind. Those of us who have suffered at the hands of bullies know they are essentially frightened little people in adult bodies relying on fear-based approaches to achieve their desired results.

Truly powerful people do not experience the need to prove they are empowered. They know it. Their motivation is to uplift, not humiliate others in order to feel important. Truly powerful people raise the entire team’s sense of pride in working well together to accomplish something truly brilliant.

 A friend and colleague once pointed out that if you truly respect someone, you will not be afraid of them; respect and fear are mutually exclusive. This alerted me to the idea that respect based on fear is called obedience. What amazes me as an advisor, to leaders and their teams, is the awakening of a Bully Leader or Board to the understanding that when you use intimidation and threats to manage productivity, you systemically encourage mediocrity and a lesser quality of problem solving by your team. Intimidation literally squanders profits via an outmoded misunderstanding of how to optimize human capital. Appreciating differences strengthens the imperative that you each are held as valued contributors.

As we all have experienced, those who abuse their power will usually do anything to maintain it. So how do you speak your truth to them? Carefully, which is why we often choose one of the following less than desirable options:

• Unilaterally renegotiating the terms of the relationship and with drawing because you are uncomfortable to work through disagreements. Downside, this sometimes includes those who care for and about you…

• Deciding for both people to end relationship without discussion and possibility of mutually beneficial resolution. Done, Next. Downside, if you are treated well in the friendship or connection doesn’t it make sense to bring the best of it forward? Perhaps.

Boundaries often need to shift, and we learn to be grateful for those who are in our lives for “reasons, seasons, and lifetimes”.

Those who abuse their power are not interested in hearing your truth. And so, do not throw pearls before swine. But when there is a mutual desire to respect one another by sharing your truth and finding common ground things go relatively well and people become closer. Going through difficult moments and coming out the other side create greater intimacy.

Now Back to my mentee... Through our time together, we discussed and explored the many dimensions of speaking truth to power. My colleague admirably learned to speak their truth to family,significant others, boyfriends and girlfriend, supporters, disparagers; but during that time failed to share their evolving truth with me.

And so here is the answer to their original question on how do I speak truth to power?
By speaking your truth.

If you do not first risk the extreme discomfort of sharing your truth, it is impossible to speak truth to power.

Speaking Truth to Power demands this:

• Be brave and risk being uncomfortable in seeking to co-create a mutually respectful communication and outcome.
  
• Seek clarity and be respectful as you identify areas of common interest and disagreement.
  
• Gently alert the other person to issues or problems in the relationship as they arise to enliven honesty, currency and prevent the build-up of usual relationship resentments.
•  Treat each other with kindness as you stumble with them to communicate past those awkward, truthful moments. If needed, ask a safe third party to witness this, ideally someone you both respects.
• If trust and respect are still present in the relationship, place faith in the ability to learn to share each other’s truth and appreciate their point of view,without defense.
• It is OK to agree to disagree.
  
• When you can do that without feeling defensive you are well on your way.
  

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