I am not fluent in social media and some might call that old fashioned. The ability to manage a huge swarth of relationships with people I know, once knew, do not know, might once have met or may want to know but have not a clue…is a bit overwhelming to me, I admit. When I finally took a close look,I realized the negative impact social media had on the close relationships in my life and had some tough moments to process.

 

You may have heard of the Facebook inspired depression syndrome reported by many and sparked by a feeling of relative deprivation.

 


Relative Deprivation is a sociological term signifying that people want what they believe others already have. And the realization that others possess a prize not yet available leads to feelings of discontentment . The prize on social media is presenting the image of a fabulous life filled with amazing food, people,experiences and opinions. If I believe the tiny slice of life represented on social media reflects the life I wish to enjoy, but feel impossible, I can become depressed.

Many of us place their very best moments on social media. We report the seconds of joy from our vacations, elegant dinners, fun in nature, etc., etc., etc., etc.,Fellow followers who do not see their lives as that romantic or cool feel less worthy and can become depressed. Melissa Hunt, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania during her research discovered that when social media usage was reduced rates of depression and loneliness were significantly reduced.

I have been affected in two interesting ways.

 

There are the people I do not know who want to be friends. At first it was agony for me to figure out why they wanted to be friends, with a stranger, but many on social media are very friendly. That is a good thing for social media has allowed me to further clarify and strengthen my boundaries.

 

My personal issue with newer modes of communication such as texting and communicating by Facebook is how both fail to support my auditory learning style strengths and preferences. Hearing the voice of those with whom I interact and am in relationship with is delightful. I first noticed a deep sadness emerge when friends from close circles stopped checking or responding to my caring voicemails. Loving messages sat unchecked for a month while I figured out, they were not calling back. It became evident over time that the best way to connect with a large group of friends was through texts, messaging,email or public announcements on Facebook. The days of connecting with them felt over. I knew they cared but now wanted to communicate in a more superficial manner. I let go wondering why this was hard for me.

 

And then one day I heard of an experiment where girls were soothed by their moms via phone. The study found that levels of stress reducing hormones increased when girls saw or hear their mom’s voice. The text messaging group experienced the same level of stress as those who had received no contact or comfort from their mothers.

Text messages do not replace the sound of your voice which is literally music to my ears. Now that I know I can recalibrate my close relationships to include hearing their voice in real time, as possible.

If you are a business leader, know that customers want more than ever to talk to human beings when solving an issue with your company. There is something wonderful about the music of the human voice.